Journalling
Freewriting - it's part of my course ...
Written with a black PaperMate Comfort-Mate pen in a notebook labelled 'Black n' Red Ruled A5':
I'm already scribbling because I wrote the date as July. I know it's not July. I've been writing 15/06/05 on pieces of paper all day. I'm often getting it the wrong way round, though - making it look like we're in 2006 already. I'm having those conversations more and more - the ones where you admit the days are shortening and life is running by far too fast. Today, I even found myself saying, "we have to live in the moment; it's the only way to do it". I'm not sure I always manage that. And there I was also decrying the fact that we're soon at the summer equinox, the nights will start drawing in and no sign of summer yet! What is it about growing older that makes you contemplate the weather - and not just to fill silences!
Walking home, the pigeons were doing their best to dive-bomb me. I had to duck three times. I know it was three because I was convinced the first pigeon wasn't going to be the only one flying too close. So I knew to start counting. I like counting or I think I do. Sometimes I simply need something rhythmic playing through my head that I can repeat over and over, silently. Letting the words run in time with my footsteps. Obsessively memorising car number plates as they pass until I forget what I'm doing. Just a beat going on in my head. Sometimes it's definitely annoying instead of comforting. I look for symbols. I read everywhere I go. Could be a road sign or a shop name. Over and over it plays as I walk. It could be my brain going into protective shutdown, to stop me thinking of more serious issues. Why do I need to question it anyway? I'm sure this isn't peculiar to me. Does everyone do this, walking to the sound of "sausage rolls" (huh?), "Pedestrians this way", "N453UKH"?
Written with a black PaperMate Comfort-Mate pen in a notebook labelled 'Black n' Red Ruled A5':
I'm already scribbling because I wrote the date as July. I know it's not July. I've been writing 15/06/05 on pieces of paper all day. I'm often getting it the wrong way round, though - making it look like we're in 2006 already. I'm having those conversations more and more - the ones where you admit the days are shortening and life is running by far too fast. Today, I even found myself saying, "we have to live in the moment; it's the only way to do it". I'm not sure I always manage that. And there I was also decrying the fact that we're soon at the summer equinox, the nights will start drawing in and no sign of summer yet! What is it about growing older that makes you contemplate the weather - and not just to fill silences!
Walking home, the pigeons were doing their best to dive-bomb me. I had to duck three times. I know it was three because I was convinced the first pigeon wasn't going to be the only one flying too close. So I knew to start counting. I like counting or I think I do. Sometimes I simply need something rhythmic playing through my head that I can repeat over and over, silently. Letting the words run in time with my footsteps. Obsessively memorising car number plates as they pass until I forget what I'm doing. Just a beat going on in my head. Sometimes it's definitely annoying instead of comforting. I look for symbols. I read everywhere I go. Could be a road sign or a shop name. Over and over it plays as I walk. It could be my brain going into protective shutdown, to stop me thinking of more serious issues. Why do I need to question it anyway? I'm sure this isn't peculiar to me. Does everyone do this, walking to the sound of "sausage rolls" (huh?), "Pedestrians this way", "N453UKH"?
posted by Nicki Hastie @ 8:09 pm
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