A Night of Lesbian Entertainment

What might that look like? I can think of a few things. But if I have to start somewhere, then An L of a Night at Nottingham Playhouse paints a satisying image. That's where I spent an enjoyable evening last night, along with my partner and 708 other lesbians! Can you imagine that many lesbians in one room?

Quite what we were all doing there is worth analysis. As host of the evening, Belinda O'Hooley, quipped: "Why would any lesbian want to go out now that The L Word is available on DVD?"

Oh, but it seems that if we are offered our own particular brand of L-entertainment then we will turn out in our hundreds! The event was sold out weeks in advance. L-entertainment. Lentertainment. I like that. I'm sure others have used that word before, but I'll pretend it's a new L Word made up by me just now. I'm not religious, so the peculiarities of Lent tend to go over my head, but I'm pretty sure none of us would choose to give up our lesbians. Not me.

Greymatter opened the evening. They really are very special as a live act, and I enjoy The Indigo Girls influences. Plenty of other influences, too. Em and George as lead vocalists know how to connect with an audience. They have an easy charisma, and it's clear there's a great rapport between them. I'm hoping Greymatter will take up an invitation to be interviewed on Woman-Stirred Radio. Greymatter also played their pre-show publicity well, encouraging their fans to wear the newly-available Greymatter t-shirts. Here's a band that's going places.

Next up was Clare Summerskill with her original songs and comedy dissecting the quirkiness and tribulations of lesbian relationships in a way this audience could definitely relate to. Get us together in a large enough group and we're good at laughing at ourselves. I enjoyed the jokes about wondering what to wear and Clare's comment about it being so much easier if only there was a lesbian clothes shop on every high street. The punchline: "Oh, there is one! We've got Millets."

The interval came, and it's not easy being among that many women when you need to join the toilet queue. Actually, it was entirely civilised and fairly fast-moving - does the average dyke spend less time in a toilet cubicle than other women? It depends what we're doing in there, I suppose. But you do have to wonder if someone can't invent a new system for toileting that takes us more quickly through the relevant stages while still allowing for the highest standards of hygiene and privacy.

Back on stage with Al Start, whom I have to admit I hadn't heard sing before and had mostly overlooked when she was featured in Diva Magazine. She has an engaging image and laid-back stage presence, and my partner Andrea commented to me that she has a look of Matthew Perry from his early Friends days. She does as well. I'd call this cute. Al Start writes tender, rocky songs about her 1970s childhood and personal experiences, and she calls her guitar Mabel. I'm a sucker for women who develop friendships with instruments and objects.

Sue Perkins had top billing. I bet she had her suit, including waistcoat, tailored especially for her. I'm busy looking for a new waistcoat at the moment. Sue Perkins was presented with a comedy gift in the person of Mary, the British Sign Language signer. Sue was never in any danger of being upstaged - she's a consummate professional and performer, making best use of the moment, including audience participation (and lack of it) - but Mary was a total star. Signing some very choice language created hilarious moments, including "verruca" (an audience contribution), "bollocks", "ladynuts" and "special needs mule", which caused confusion when Mary heard this as "special needs meal"! Sue Perkins in live stand-up must be seen.

It was a real shame when one audience member almost spoilt the tone of the whole night, right at the end of Sue's slot, by questioning how often comedians update their material and why it would be worth paying to see a comedian in stand-up regularly. Trust an audience of lesbians to make it a controversial night. As Sue had commented earlier after a joke about the Pope (she's allowed to, she was brought up Catholic), the only murmurs of protest she's ever received doing this routine were from this lesbian audience. Can you believe it? Unfortunately, I can. But you can also rely on an auditorium of lesbians to back up a star performer against a voice of dissent when they believe that voice is wrong. Sue Perkins showed her balls alright, and she got a standing ovation. I hope she doesn't go away cursing the Nottingham audience.

Go and see Sue Perkins in stand-up. There was some wonderful material on Ruth Kelly. Listen to her radio shows. Belinda O'Hooley, very funnily, couldn't remember what those shows are when doing her introduction, but you can see them at Sue's wikipedia entry.

A Night of Lesbian Entertainment should involve supporting our out lesbian performers, if and when we can afford to. I know ticket prices for live performance will always be an issue that excludes some women. We need music, humour, voices and affirmation to enrich our lives. We deserve that.

Why is it we have so few recognised names to invite onto the bill for future L of a Night events? Today, I found this reference to the fact that Sue Perkins' "earnings plummeted 65 per cent in the year after she came out as a lesbian". Makes you think, doesn't it?

Bounce Appeal

What's a week off work for, if not a spot of bouncing? I've been partaking of that sport today. It's typical, really, that the latest UK heatwave should end just in time for me to take some leave away from the (paid) work desk. In some ways, this is not a bad thing, because it gives me the excuse not to leave the house too much, and I can chain myself to my own computer desk at home instead. Just think how guilty I'd feel if it was wonderfully sunny outside. I wouldn't mind a bit of that, though.

So - bouncing! What's that all about? Well, I'm supposed to be part of a Space Race, which involves walking to the moon in teams. I've been part of a work-based team doing this very thing since the end of January, wearing my pedometer at all times (except when sleeping), and I have been stepping (or yomping) away like a real trooper since then.

But it now seems that the bottom might have fallen out of this whole plan. Just when my bottom was looking particularly toned as well. It's motivation. There just doesn't seem to be enough motivation amongst the masses. I always knew it would probably take three years to reach the moon, and still I was prepared to surge forward into the great wild yonder.

Does that still not explain the bouncing? Well, one of these (as long as you put a bit of effort into it) is an extremely good way to clock up the steps. It's fantastic for dancing on. Easier on the knee and ankle joints, too. You have to start to think about these things at the age of 37.

It's not often I get out clubbing these days, so a living-room disco is a must, and the trampoline has to be an essential accessory. Perhaps even more vital than a mirrorball. I've been grooving away to 12"/80s/Dance and Floorfillers - Club Classics. What would I do without CD box sets? Turn up the bass, put on your bouncing boots and boogie ...

That's when I can actually get on the trampoline. It doubles as a cat bed, or so Frank the Cat thinks! It's the perfect size for him to sprawl out on or curl up to the curvy edges. Frank likes the trampoline so much he begrudges me using it, and I'm sure he'll start hiring it out to me by the minute soon, if only to safeguard his own position. Oh yes - that is (ahem) Flat Eric in the background. Remember him? Flat Eric is Sammy's (the other cat's) playmate. Don't ask! There are no pictures to accompany that story.

Smash Hits surrenders

It's true - for those of us who reached puberty in the early 1980s, Smash Hits was a must, and we're allowed a moment of sentimentality to mark its final passing. Publishing company Emap reported today that Smash Hits magazine is to close.

It was the place to turn for colour posters (in my case, of Nick Heyward, Boy George and Jon Moss, possibly even George Michael - would you believe?) and to read the full lyrics from the latest single releases. I reckon I was able to recognise homoeroticism from a young age, even if I couldn't name it, and it was definitely all male in the early 1980s.

I still have a couple of Smash Hits Yearbooks for 1983 and 1984, so 1982-1984 were probably the highlight years for me. They're in very good condition, not that I'm looking to part with them just yet, but it did cross my mind that today's news could increase their value very soon.

There was such nostalgia earlier this evening when I looked through the Yearbooks to find Wham!, Tears for Fears and Carmel listed on the "lesser known names of '82 should be the headliners of tomorrow" pages, amongst many a band name I can't recall ever having released a single. Then, in the "Fifteen for Eighty-Four" line-up, who else but Madonna, amidst the hype: "there's no reason why Madonna, a genuine all-singing, all-dancing slum survivor, can't be gigantic." No reason; no reason at all. There's also Prince, Billy Bragg and Everything But the Girl. Did this all really begin in 1984?

I can't help wondering what happened to Physique, destined for fame and fortune in 1984. Did it happen? Nick Casparis of trio Physique is quoted: "We're more intelligent than we are good looking ... but then we're tremendously good looking as well." Hmm ... The money was always on Madonna.

Ahh ... those were the days ... just after the Jackie years and shortly before I discovered The Cure and 'real' music in time to be a sixth former.

Eurovision

We failed to predict the winning song in our house, but overall the British public got the top two countries right, giving 12 points to Greece and 10 points to Malta. Romania took third place, a real surprise to my ears! Israel was close behind in fourth.

Votes in our household gave the top spots to:

1. Israel
2. Spain/Malta/Bosnia & Herzegovina/Latvia (equal points)
3. Greece

There was a definite plethora of drums and bhangra beat this year, but the anthemic ballad can still pick up strong votes and it was a relief to come across one or two. Maybe more countries should go down this route next year. The UK, of course, is unlikely to win ever again.

Today's eclectic mix

I've been away for over a week. It's ok, I have been writing - just not here. I even had an afternoon in the sun on Sunday. Ironically, because I was working. The university had a marquee at a local agricultural show. The giant rabbits were our most popular exhibit. Best not to enquire further on that one. I did offer to dress up as a giant rabbit but it's better to have the real thing. Anyway, it really was sunny on Sunday afternoon so it would have been far too hot in a rabbit suit. Dressing up as a rabbit is possibly something I'll never add to my list of having dressed up as Wallace (of Gromit fame), a teddy bear and Penelope Pitstop (all in the name of serious work, of course).

I've started writing sonnets. Someone out there knows why. I've also started doing Su Doku puzzles. I'm pretty sure these two facts aren't related, although both activities require counting. Su Doku up to nine, and sonnets up to ten syllables in iambic pentameter. There's rhythm and rhyme in there somewhere. I'm aware there's far more to the sonnet form than counting. Su Doku style puzzles are a version of the logic puzzle, using process of elimination, 'if not this, that' techniques. I've always been quite fond of logic puzzles - satisfying rows of ticks and crosses and a definite result. There's a satisfying form to the sonnet, I'm discovering, and that can bring clarity, too.

With all these new experiences, it's quite possible I'm strengthening the connections between my brain cells. The Spanish course has finished now so I do need to maintain the learning experience. I find if you keep learning the world slows down a little bit. Days seem to last longer when you're busy enjoying new things. More gets crammed in rather than the usual routine. It's easy to overlook routine and it can feel like the days have gone by in a blur without anything of note happening. On the other hand, it could just be short term memory loss. Another good reason to keep learning.

I'm limbering up for the Eurovision Song Contest final on Saturday (tonight's the semi-final). I will need my best counting skills to join in with the scoring. The Eurovision Song Contest is a significant occasion in the calendar for me. This year is the 50th contest. It's not really a song contest at all. It's cultural camp delight - and highly political.