Let's Talk Toenails

Am I missing something? What's wrong with clipping your toenails in the living room? What room would you rather we did it in?

Ok, it was a straight woman writing about The L Word who made the comment about straight men clipping their toenails in the living room being a cliché and a cheap shot at men. But then, the lesbians got in on the act, and someone claimed: "i have never witnessed a woman (regardless of orientation) or a gay man do it" (clip their toenails in the living room, that is).

What world are we living in that women or men (regardless of orientation) are denied living room space to clip their toenails in?

I shave my head on the landing. I clip my toenails, and my fingernails, in the living room. My hair clippers are kept in the cupboard on the landing. My nail clippers are stored in a box in the living room. It makes perfect sense for me and my partner to clip nails in the living room. We collect our nail clippings in a rubbish bin and dispose of them. We don't distribute them all over the carpet and leave them there. We are two adult lesbians living in our own home. We can do what the f**k we like in our own living room!

Since when did toenail clippings become an indicator of gender and/or sexuality?

I guess it's a little sad that I got riled enough to blog about this, given that I seem to have been away from the blog for a month. Plus, I haven't even seen beyond Season 2 of The L Word. Maybe my problem is I feel I'm missing out!

We used to look at a woman's fingernails and make pointed comments. Do we have to check her toenail habits now, too?

And other acronyms beginning with C

Thank goodness I'm not the only one who remembers CLASS - the Cagney and Lacey Appreciation of the Series Society, a UK fan club that I joined in 1986. It continued until the very early 1990s, when it almost seamlessly morphed into an appreciation group for Sharon Gless alone, who was then starring in The Trials of Rosie O'Neill. I have a yellow rose (Rosie) pin badge to prove my interest continued.

I've just come across an article in Attitude, a UK gay male fashion magazine, from before it had a web presence. Fortunately, the author, David Spedding, has created his own archive, and this is from May 2001. This paragraph stood out:

It's now two decades since the show first appeared on American screens. It was cancelled three times in its existence, re-instated twice as a result of public outcry. Plainly, there's still the hugest affection for Cagney & Lacey. An internet fansite still exists, the cannily-named Cagney And Lacey Infortainment Terminal. Or, acronymically-speaking, CLIT. "I love that," laughs Gless today. "How great is that? And there's the Cagney and Lacey Appreciation of Series Society in the UK, or CLASS. Clit and class," she chuckles. "No shame in either of those!"

I love that too, Sharon. Even more, I love that you love it. Nothing can beat a bit of CLIT and CLASS!

David Spedding indicates that Christine Cagney wasn't just a lesbian icon:

Blonde, gorgeous, twinkly-eyed and blessed with the kind of deep-throated cackle that one associates with a '50-Woodbines-before-brekky' habit. She looked angelic, but could speak like a dimestore hooker when the occasion demanded it. That perfect blend of 'Hard-ass toughness' with 'heart-of-goldenness' that would subsequently establish itself as a pre-requisite for any potential shag. In short, she was my perfect boyfriend.

Ah, David, bless! But us dykes spotted her first!!

If any other members, or particularly the founders, of CLASS ever drop by this blog, please say Hi. Better still, if anyone is still keeping CLASS running in some form, it would be great if you could let me know. Ann Rutherford was the woman who wrote back to me in May 1986 after I made an early enquiry. I don't know what was in my original note, but she told me:

"Flattery always pays - and you have made sergeant in that!"

This is a lesson I've never forgotten, and better still, I didn't even need to sit the sergeant's exam.

An aside on The L Word

I watched the first two episodes from The L Word: second season last night. The opening titles are a little strange, and I don't remember anything quite like them in the first season, but the more I watch, the more I think this show has a lot going for it. It's not my life, that's for sure. However, it has a fine mixture of emotion, titillation and recognition of how dyke relationships and friendships can be, and enough of a balance between different women's storylines, to keep me intrigued and attentive. I actually think the more years of lesbian life you have behind you, the more you're likely to get out of this show.

L Words and P Words

For those who care about my TV watching and are rather concerned it has become a desert recently, I am now in possession of the the DVD box set - The L Word: the complete second season. It's exciting to see that it has been given an 18 certificate. The first season was only rated a 15. I'm promised that this is "A television series full of genuine emotion and authentic stories".

Of course, you know me by now (or do you?), and how I love authenticity.

The only difficulty now is finding time to watch all these episodes. Until I sat down on the settee on Saturday night for the beginning of a new series of The X Factor (come on, it's classic telly not to be missed!) I'd almost forgotten what the TV was for. I'd begun to think it was Andrea's entertainment centre only; like the computer is mine.

I'm sure I'll find a way to cope with all this sensory stimulation.

For anyone else wondering if I'm going to open the diary tonight - oh, go on then, I will - just for you. I introduce you to Nicki, the young philosopher ...

August 20th 1986

I think I am quite looking forward to going back to Sixth Form in two-and-a-half weeks time. It will be fun to see all the new first years and to be able to look back on our time in the first year. It seems so far away, those first few weeks at Sixth Form. I feel so different now. I'm not sure whether it would be true to say I have got more self-confidence, but I feel I have a greater ability to cope with things now. I also want to get back into the swing of things. I miss the college routine and people in a way - though that'll probably be forgotten after a couple of weeks back - then I'll be wanting to be home again.

It's a funny fact about the human being that we all want that one thing which is just out of our reach. Perhaps it isn't that surprising - we all have our dreams - or maybe, even, there is no need for certain things to be out of reach. We simply have to possess that driving ambition to score points of meaning and fulfillment in our lives.


August 24th 1986

It is really exciting writing poetry because you just have this idea - a few lines or words - and you start out on a poem, not knowing yourself how the finished product is going to turn out, just knowing what your basic message is. I find it really amazing. I am excited and exhilarated about writing. It doesn't bother me that much if I never become the recognised writer that I dream of (well it does) - but at least I can bring pleasure and energy into my own life. That's what it is - Poetry is an Energy. You don't have to write poetry to realise the power. Poetry speaks and by reading you can have a share in that energy.

Could Nicki, the young writer have a point?

Beyond the Settee

I can't believe I was last talking about the May issue of Diva. I've just received September's magazine, which helpfully tells me my wait for The L Word: Season 2 DVD is almost over. It's out on 14 August.

I've fallen down badly on the MediaWatch. I can't seem to sustain interest in TV at the moment. I gave up on Big Brother 7 weeks ago, not that there's been anything to match the lesbian interest of Anna Nolan since the very first season in 2000. Meanwhile, the second series of Sugar Rush is upon us and I'll be waiting for the DVD again because I have a far more exciting date on Thursday nights. You can join me if you like. The more the merrier, one might say.

Each Thursday, 9pm-11pm UK time, I'm to be found at my computer listening in to Merry Gangemi and Woman-Stirred Radio, streaming live from Goddard College, Plainfield, Vermont, at www.wgdr.org. Woman-Stirred Radio has the best guests from the global LGBTQ literary, arts and music communities.

Ok, this is also shameless self-promotion for the Woman-Stirred group blog. We've just celebrated our first anniversary, and my Woman-Stirred 'family' have a lot to do with why I hardly spend any time on the settee these days. Or any time here for that matter! But I intend to try harder on the personal blogging front.

If you want to see the latest creative output from me, take a wander over to Woman-Stirred and check out why and how I Want To Show Off.

Lesbians on TV: fewer ponytails please!

The May edition of Diva dropped through my letterbox last week, its front cover advertising a subject close to my heart: Lesbians on TV. Even the obligatory picture is there of (Brookside characters) Beth Jordache and Margaret Clemence kissing. Diva's round-up of key lesbian TV moments over the last 40 years tells us that "Theses have been written on the significance of that kiss between Beth and Margaret." Indeed they have. I believe I contributed a thesis of my own.

Are we really still so obsessed with that kiss from 1994? It seems so. My take on that kiss continues to be a popular draw to my website, and yes, I reproduce the picture there too. I'm sure most ignore the words and come in search of immediate visual pleasures. But sometimes it is also important to stand back and to analyse the TV storylines and representations.

Last month, the BBC was criticised by Stonewall for its mainly negative or virtually non-existent representation of lesbians and gay men. Read the report, Tuned Out: the BBC's portrayal of lesbian and gay people. While there have been a few sneers at Stonewall for its fairly simplistic methodology - monitoring 168 hours of peak time TV on BBC One and BBC Two - the issues being challenged here are significant in highlighting wider attitudes and assumptions about lesbian and gay identities, both on- and off-screen. During the 168 hours monitored, lesbians were referred to in positive and non-stereotyped ways for just one minute and 10 seconds.

Of course, Diva reminds us that BBC One and Two are not the only channels - and being lesbians we're very good at understanding that. My favourite portrayals in recent months were accessed on DVD, but had their original airing on TV: Sugar Rush (Channel 4) and The L Word (Living TV). The dykey viewing options must be improving for I didn't even watch Sugar Rush first time round and it hadn't crossed my mind that I might wish to invest in a satellite TV package in order to keep up with the latest season of The L Word - well, not until I watched all 4 DVDs of the first season in a weekend's sitting. I'm now desperately looking forward to the DVD of Season 2, but managing to keep myself in check by having purchased a copy of Reading the L Word: Outing Contemporary Television. It's cheaper than a subscription to Sky!

Above all, the measure of how much my relationship with lesbians on TV has changed since 1994 is this: nothing could encourage me to watch Eastenders, not even the chance of viewing another lesbian soap snog.

Like Stonewall, who found little evidence of a broad portrayal of lesbian and gay lives, my disillusionment with lesbians on TV has much to do with my bugbear that lesbian portrayals on TV almost inevitably involve ponytails. That there are lesbians with long hair in this world has not passed me by. But quite frankly, a lot of it on TV is unnecessary and gets in the way of my viewing pleasure. Once in a while it would be good to receive the affirmation that short-haired lesbians do exist - and that short-haired lesbians can be considered attractive.

So I will be conducting my own media watch: monitoring the construction of compulsory femininity in lesbian portrayals on TV. The BBC may be pleased to learn this isn't restricted to them. Please join in.

Celebrity Everything

My first post of 2006 and I've been feeling quite happy this week. Going back to work has involved no growling or roaring. Later in the year I'm sure there will be instances, but for now I'm enjoying the fact that the first week of January has felt like a 'bonus week' - a chance to get some things done before the whole country winds itself up to full-strength action and demands.

Of course I could just be pleased that a new rash of celebrity reality TV viewing is beginning. Having enjoyed such success in 2005, personally helping to vote Carol Thatcher through to Queen of the Jungle and Shayne Ward to the X Factor Number One spot (although Brenda really deserved to be in the final), I wonder who will receive my support this year. I'm not too sure how much of Celebrity Big Brother I will be watching, but Soapstar Superstar has already received my vote. Shame there isn't a voting option to remove judge Cilla Black, however! Next Saturday there's also Dancing on Ice, an ITV ice dancing version of BBC's Strictly Come Dancing. How can I not watch, given the Nottingham heritage of Torvill and Dean?

Talking of celebrity heritage, I was introduced to the My Heritage face recognition tool by a fellow blogger and obviously couldn't resist uploading my own photo to find out which celebrities I most resemble. Here are the results:

• Tarja Halonen 64%


• Kristen Nygaard 61%


• Nicole Kidman 58%


• Britney Spears 55%


• Hilary Swank 55%


• Meryl Streep 54%


• Julianne Moore 53%


• Diana Princess of Wales 51%


• Eddie Murphy 51%


• Anna Lindh 51%

I now think I need to give serious consideration to becoming a Scandinavian politician. Then again, there's just as much chance I could be a movie star. I'll definitely leave the Princess thing well alone. The best thing is I'm feeling pretty swanky myself since seeing Hilary Swank's name in that list ;-)

Woman-Stirred and Seasoned

It's alright, I haven't abandoned my blog. I've just been a bit busy elsewhere - contributing to other blogs as it happens, including designing a blog layout and logo over at Woman-Stirred.

Woman-Stirred is a new venture, a quartet of queer women writers - Mary Meriam, Jan Steckel, Liann Snow and me. It's a support network, a promotion of our work (there's strength in numbers) and a place to spotlight writing on lesbian themes. It was Mary who got me writing sonnets. She is now taking commissions for original gift sonnets penned by her own hand, and I can tell you, a Woman-Stirred Sonnet is definitely worth having.

I was also busy completing the Season of Inspiration course. Sadly this is the last course the trAce Online Writing School will be running. The course was another excellent opportunity for gaining and providing supportive feedback with other writers, and there are already plans to continue networks amongst the participants. It looks like blogging is going to help quite a lot with this.

The course also gave me the opportunity to blog as a 17 year old young man who dreams of getting on the telly and being a first-class entertainer while stacking shelves at his local supermarket. You'll be pleased to know he's well on his way, learning great lessons in life from his down-to-earth Auntie Peggy and from another fascinating blog character who began to interact with his story at the Season of Inspiration group blog. The prediction of this 106 year old visitor from the twenty-second century is that the young man will be a famous illusionist by hologram in years to come. That's all I'm going to tell you, but hearing this news from the future makes me very proud. As I usually write very much in my own identity this was an interesting exercise and helped to underline many of the pleasures I gain from interacting online.

The X Factor starts again tonight. That's two of us very happy - my 17 year old character and me. The difference being, I'm happy to stay at home and watch from the settee; I'm not aiming to get on the programme. Saturday nights are looking up. However much I enjoy this format of reality TV, I really couldn't get into Big Brother this year. Partly because, for the past ten weeks, I seemed to be plugged into my computer after work each evening. I'd almost forgotten what the television is. But there have been silver linings for Andrea. There have been no arguments over the remote control and how many 24-hour news programmes can be watched. That reminds me - it's almost time for me to claim the remote ...

A piece of TV-inspired conversation which made me laugh from today:

Andrea: I used to love watching black and white cowboy films as a kid.
Nicki: That's because there weren't any colour ones.